I received an e-mail today from a friend (the Best Man at my Wedding) who is the communications director for a blue chip company. We had, until recently drifted apart, because when I came back from Abu Dhabi and couldn't find a job I went into a reclusive "I am not worthy" phase and isolated myself from the world. Blogging has got me out of that phase, so thank you for reading!
He has read all of my Blogs and commented professionally on them.Initially he felt I was angry; then he thought I was funny and incisive (my words which I am sure he will disagree with ever having said but its my Blog!!), but he found my last 2 Blogs had returned to being angry. He asked if that is what I was aiming for.
That's a very difficult question. I am very angry. With myself for having an accident; with society for not treating me as I feel I should be treated; and with the realisation that no matter how hard I work at it I will never be "normal" (I hesitate to say again, because it may invite comments from those that knew me before my accident!).
Am I being realistic, I hear you say? I believe I have always been my biggest critic (although my wife disagrees with that assessment and is going to "up her game") and I am nothing if not realistic. After my accident I wanted to get back to football straight away. My Old Management Team at Staines Town Football Club, Chris Wainwright and Keith Bristow, invited me to go training with them and I jumped at the chance.
I went once.
They did nothing wrong. I just realised very quickly that I couldn't do it. My right hand side was still semi-paralysed and my spasticity meant that I made a rabbit stuck in the headlights of a car seem mobile. I knew I couldn't do it, accepted it and moved on.
AND no, I did not make a mistake. I have coached my sons team at under 8, 9, and 10 level and they are better than me now!
Am I an educated campaigner? What am I campaigning for?
What worries me is you cannot see my, or the disabling injuries of many many disabled people in this country. I don't look disabled (again my Wife might not agree, but I think she is referring to looks). In sport, which is a very topical subject with the Paralympics coming up, in order to be able to compete the disabled community identified activities that would test their abilities in an Olympian way and trained hard. Does the fact that they compete in different events from those in the Olympics matter - No. We celebrate the triumph of human spirit, will and determination.
I don't know what I am campaigning for yet, but keep reading and I am sure I will work it out.
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